Priority One
Letting Go
On a recent business trip my husband, Charlie, and I took, I clutched onto my bag as though my whole life was in it. It only contained my things. Why was I so reluctant to give it to the attendant who persistently followed me since check-in at the airport? He was trying so hard to convince me to release it to him. “It will not fit in the overhead compartment,” he said repeatedly. I only became more adamant in keeping it with me.
I cried like part of me was being taken away when he handed me a tag and said: “You may retrieve your bag in Houston.” Was it so bad that I would be without my boredom busters? All of the distractions I needed to keep me from thinking too much were being surrendered. Or, was I upset because I would be delayed during our connection? There was ample time to retrieve it.
I began to think of the poor people on the space shuttle, Columbia, which had exploded only fifteen minutes before landing earlier that week. How did they feel leaving their families, friends, and belongings behind in pursuit of their dreams? How much trust and fortitude did it take to do that?
I want to release my fears to God. I know He has a call for me and for each one of us. So why do we always want to be in control of our destiny? Why do we feel the need to control the outcome of every situation? It’s truly a humbling experience when we finally realize that we can’t. I want to walk in humility, but I’m not able to without God’s omnipresence guiding me.
As I put my head back on the narrow, upright chair, relief finally came to me. I felt free from the load I was carrying. Forfeiting my luggage was not so bad after all. Hey, I could get used to this. I thought about my parents who were home running our household, supervising our three teenage children while we were gone. I didn’t want to bother them to take over while we were away. I always had to be independent. Never show your weakness by asking for help; I’d fool myself into believing. To the contrary, others seek the opportunity to be as needed and useful as we do.
Of course, I had to get everything done before I left because nobody could cover for me. It was my work, and I wanted to do it all – the housecleaning, cooking, driving, shopping, bookkeeping, and anything else I could do to make people need me. Don’t forget to exercise and look beautiful, I’d remind myself. It made me feel that I had a purpose in life. Why couldn’t I see that people love me simply for who I am? I know God does. Could they? I want so much to love my family for who they are and not just for what they accomplish.
Our oldest son, Anthony, is a pilot now. How can it be that a seventeen-year-old could get a pilot’s license? Who were “they” that justified his knowledge and experience were substantial grounds for obtaining one so young? Or was it I; refusing to believe that he could do it? I’ve always pictured the plane in the palm of God’s hand taking us from one place to the other. Could I let him pursue his dream and release my fears?
When I flew with Anthony in that small plane, I prayed that he might realize it was not only his skill that was involved, but also God guiding him in wisdom and understanding. One stormy day, it took a very rough landing for him to humble himself and hand over the controls to the instructor, whom I thanked for coming along in spite of Anthony’s license. Anthony is an excellent pilot. His discernment is obvious. On calm days the ride was smooth and pleasant, I was the one who needed to trust God in watching over him. In the same way Anthony had to ask for help during that storm, I must reach out to those who want to help me.
Yes, God sends many humbling experiences our way. I only pray that we take those opportunities for what they’re worth and learn from them. I strive to walk in humility all the days of my life. I recall the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:
“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”
The world has such a warped sense of values. We’re so easily fooled into believing the better things in life are tangible. Relationships are what it’s all about. Charlie, always said: “We can’t take the money with us when we die. It’s our relationships that matter in this life. We cannot measure our worth by our success or monetary value. It doesn’t matter where we eat; it’s the company that is important.” He is so right.
In order to gain something, we must make room for it in our lives. Letting go will enable us to do so. In emptying ourselves, we can find the time, energy, and interest to experience what God has in store for us.
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